A Dream

Wouldn't be amazing if dreams were a reality? Especially if you had that perfect dream where everything seems to be going wrong but in the end he comes to your rescue and looks at you with those intense eyes, almost as if he's asking you a question. And just when you're about to answer...you wake up. Yes, I have had a million of those dreams all with that guy. Mr. Perfect I like to call him and yet I can't seem to find him anywhere. I know what you're thinking, aren't you too young to be worrying about these things. Well yes and no. Maybe there are better things to be thinking about but, every childhood memory includes that guy. The one that makes your heartbeat faster and faster. The one who you can't seem to take your eyes off of, and when he looks at you, you cannot meet his gaze. The one who you spend almost every waking moment daydreaming about and wondering if he does the same. Why haven't I met him yet and why is it that he only appears to me in dreams. There is this guy, we're really good friends even though I've only known him for about 6 months. I can talk to him about everything and he the same. But the main issue is that he already has a girlfriend. He doesn't talk about her ever. Actually he never told me he had one, I creeped him on facebook and found out. I'd like to think that he doesn't like her but hasn't broken up with her but I know deep down that he must feel something strong for her and that it probably hurts too much to talk about it. So I ask, where is the guy that loves me? And why is it that the only place I can ever find someone who loves me, is in my dreams.I guess a dream really is a wish that your heart makes. And the sheep finds comfort in her dreams.

Guys and Me

There is this guy that I like and have liked for a loooooooong time but the thing is, we've already gone out and I broke up with him. So why do I still like him? I have no idea. We can't seem to talk to each other and when I try to talk to him, it's really awkward. He's in my law class and I catch him staring at me sometimes and I wonder, what would it be like to go out again? But, it's not gonna happen and that;s something I know for sure. Then there is this other guy who is a really good friend of mine. We have a ton in common and he was a new student from last year. What's funny with him is that even though I knew him for a short period of time, I found myself becoming friends with him and that doesn't happen that easily. He's really sweet and I also don't know how I feel about him. Now my problem, he has a girlfriend in India and she is in love with him but he says that he wants to break up with her. Thing is, he hasn't. So what do I get out of this? Either he was lying and still likes her or he's too much of a coward to break up with her. Something tells me not to trust him, and maybe I should stay away, but at the moment I can't. Guys are shit heads. And so the sheep steers clear only to find more wolves around the corner -_-

Just Another Day

Well today is just like any day...absolutely boring. Sometimes i wish I could be those angsty teenagers you see in movies where they are having those crazy summer vacations, meeting boys, having their "drama", beach parties, drinking and so on. What do I do, let's see I exercise, watch TV, read, eat, write in this blog, do some editing stuff and then, well that's about it. Someone may say that they like my common, care-free summer but I am telling you, my life is nothing to be jealous of. Today though, I'm going to Buffalo to go get my luggage that was unclaimed because we were late and so the bags went on late and that meant that they would come late but who really wants to wait in an airport for 3 hours waiting for their bags? So, that's basically the excitement for my day. Sometimes, I wonder why I dislike school. The constant drama and the "he said, she said" is always something to look forward to. So I am sorry that this has bored you to death and maybe tomorrow, or the day after, maybe a week after, I will have something interesting to talk about. And the sheep slowly starts dying of boredom.

Back From Florida...oh and a poem

Well after a lovely week in Florida I am finally back...although no one is really reading this so I don't think any of "you" would care. Okay, so i am sitting at home and boring myself to death and wishing that I could be back in the pool at Florida getting seriously tanned or something. So today I thought i would come out of my comfort zone and post something up...to be more specific, a poem. Don't ask why just read it and tell me what you think.

My Mask

It befriends another and it hides my tears
It tags along with a joke and it covers my pain
It's very contagious and it shields my fears
It brightens a day and conceals my disdain
My smile is different for it doesn't tell the truth
but why would it? My smile is not the only one.

So that is my poem...I wrote it because I wanted to explain to my ex why I smiled the day we broke up. Of course chances of him reading this is slim to none, okay more like none. Anyways I am going to find something to do. And the sheep isn't eaten just for being too boring -_-

The Hole

As I write this I feel my hole is getting bigger. I don't understand but I feel that something is missing and I can't figure out what exactly it is. When I am doing something, I feel alone and the thing is I am. No one listens to me. I am the youngest in my family and of course all the attention is going to my sister who is at university. Sometimes I don't mind but at times I feel like my thoughts and feelings are put aside for someone else's. I feel empty. I don't cry for things that I should be crying about, I don't have random outbursts of happiness, I...the hole is getting bigger. What's wrong with me? I have everything I could want and yet something feels wrong. I am so confused. And the sheep is lost in the herd.

Just Today

Well, as the elections loom closer and closer, i don't know what to think anymore. Was I right for doing this. I have tons of experience and loyal people who are going to vote for me but, somewhere deep inside i feel like I am going to lose. What do I do? For once I wish someone would read this blog. But, that now seems like one thing that is not going to happen. Why do I always doubt myself? There are things I am not half bad at. I like to sing, but I have never sang alone. Not even for an audition. Also I like writing songs, poems and novels, but not once have I ever shown anyone anything. The only thing I can seem to show is my smile and my laughter but that isn't a talent. Daniel, the new kid, has been here for almost a month and his taking vocal lessons, made all sorts of friends and has no fear. I wish I could be like that. He admits that he's cried and he seems all emotionally strong, I can't remember the last time I cried. Something is wrong with me. And the sheep is pushed to the side of the plate because the wolves think of it as too different.

STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is with the unknown power of stress that everyone has to deal with? It is like some super power that can make people do crazy things like scream their heads off or commit suicide or even run nude along the highway. Stress is what is bugging me tight now. I have so much to do and so little time and the funny thing is that I am wasting my time blogging to a whole group of nobody because the thing is that nobody is reading this...oh well. Anyways like i was saying, i have elections to deal with, a million projects and the constant drama every teen seems to deal with. Not only that but also the thought and insecurities i have about myself that lurk deep inside my head, engraved in my brain is something that is saying "you're not going to win the election. Give up!" But, like so many things in my life, i push until i have finished using 100%...okay that is a lie. I hide in a corner watching as everyone fulfills their dreams and i can't even take that one step to start fulfilling my own dreams. Why is that? Because I am too god damn frightened to do anything and also because the nonparallel force of stress is eating at my brain. So I have to now go into the world and deal with that tiny voice in my head that contradicts everything I do and say. Sorry if this is sounding emo, but at least you got a glimpse into the life of the person writing this thing. And the sheep jumps off the cliff...only to find that it is 1 ft. high -_-

let's keep it short and simple

what i can't understand is why the new kid is always the center of a discussion.
no one knows who that person is or who they really are. They could be pretending to be something else and no one would know because they're the new kid. Is it some kind of super power that they posses or do people just talk about everything and the only thing they can think of talking about is that person. I am going with choice A. Well, what brought this on, a new kid. Name...Daniel. He is pretty good looking and also i have found him to be a good friend but i cannot stand the constant "who is that guy?" or the "OMG please introduce me!!!!" Why can't you introduce urself? And another thing, girls don't go all slutty on the guy and think that he is gonna like it because truth is, they thinks it is kind of stupid and disgusting. Like this one girl was showing Daniel her boobs, she was leaning forward and squishing them together wit her arms. disgusting picture...I KNOW! I was there and has to witness the whole thing while keeping my barf in. So moral of the story, treat the new kid like any other person and please don't flash your boobs in public because chances are, they ain't as great as you think. And the sheep gets blinded by the wolves erotic-ness.

Birthday Suprises and Sad Disappointments

Well for those reading out there, tomorrow is my birthday *hooray*, so why am I not excited? There is just something about tomorrow that is not exciting to me. Everyone around me seems so upbeat, I mean for goodness sake I am turning 16 but, I still can't seem to enjoy it and I wonder why. Well I do have a pretty good list, there are those surprises that turn out to be annoying and then there are the gifts that are everything you didn't want. Oh, my favourite part is the fact that on that one day of the year, people seem to act different around you and you wonder, what makes me so special. You annoyed me yesterday, you're gonna annoy me tomorrow so why aren't you annoying me today? But the one thing that really makes me upset (and i haven't told anyone) is that this is going to be my first birthday without my sister there to join in with me. She is at university studying and I want her to do well but I am going to miss her big hug and that "OH MY GOSH IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!!!!!!" thing she does. Maybe that's why I am not excited. But, on a brighter note, I told all my friends that for every time they punch me tomorrow I will punch them back twice as much, twice as hard. Oh sometimes, you can find some joys in birthdays. So, the sheep goes in punching!!!!!!!

march break

Wow, it has been really long since I wrote in this blog, although not many people are reading it so I guess that doesn't really matter. OMG so I have started to watch "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and I must say, why on earth have I never watched it before!?!?!?!?!?! It is actually really interesting and take in mind I am only on the 6th episode of the first season. I spent all of sunday watching the marathon for about 6 hours. That just tells you that I am doing absolutely nothing much with my march break. You know what I can't stand, people expecting so much out of you. I mean my parents want me to do so much with my life and I...I really don't know but I feel like I have got a 3000 pound man on my back. They want me to go into sciences but I mean any parent who doesn't wish that either doesn't care about their children or had figured out that their children's happiness is more important. I will tell you right now my parents have not figured out a thing. Also another show that is pissing me off even though it is over, "The Bachelor" with Jake. I mean I know everyone is saying, AAAAAAAAAHHHH how could he not pick tinley but the thing is that it was his decision and the show probably just wanted ratings so they only focused on the bad. If he makes a mistake so be it. Well there goes my spaz for the day. I am reading Shadowland from the Immortal series. It is pretty good but I am sick of reading about the perfect guy. He's not out there and I have decided that. Who knows, I could be a dog lady (seeing that I dislike cats). One last thing. So at my school we have this thing called mars vs. venus week and it was 50's themed so i dressed up like I was from the 50's. I did my hair, actually wore make-up and everything. So I had many people come up to me and tell me how great I looked and then my guy friend said, "you look really amazing, no seriously you look really pretty." and it really wouldn't bother me if someone else said it but its that what guys think. That if a girl puts on make-up and does her hair then she is super pretty. Well I am not changing for anyone. And the sheep ponders about ways to deflect wolves.

Boys and their clothes

Okay one thing I cannot stand is the way boys dress these days. Now this really only applies to high school and some university boys but seriously do they not look at themselves in the mirror?? They wear the longest coats ever, like up to your knees and then they have their pants all the way down to their mid thigh and then they put on a hat over their , i am guessing, gelled hair (because it would really suck if their hair was actually greasy...ewww) I mean come on guys do you not know anything about fashion. The funny thing is I actually think that they believe that girls dig that kind of look but the truth is most of us think it is atrocious and we joke behind your backs. My cousin is brown and he fully dresses and acts like a black guy. He even got his friends to believe that he was black and that is the stupidest thing I have ever heard. He is also a huge dick head so that just makes me dislike him more. Also with this lovely fashion choice comes the pregnant lady walk. They stick their stomachs out and "lean back". This is just really sad and pathetic. Oh my goodness, I feel like Cher from "Clueless" who fell in love with the gay guy because of his wonderful fashion sense. Come on is that what it has come to, only gay guys are going to dress well. Seriously boys if you are reading this take in to consideration of what you are wearing. And many of you have heard of people pulling up their pants because they get too low, well boys pull down their pants because they are too high. So, the sheep comes with her personal dresser and attempts to make the male species look good.

The stinkin' rich and famous...what's so great???

I never understood why people are so interested in the rich and the famous. I mean they are like everybody else and they have the same dramas as everody else, the only difference is that their drama is splattered on the front of every magazine and ours is in hiding. Sometimes it is actually sad that people go so low to actually make drama themselves. It's like they want to be exactly like the rich and the famous. Another thing I don't get is why they have to splurge their money on huge houses, huger cars and $5000 clothing and accecory items. Now I am not saying that all stars are like this but some of them are and I wonder don't they ever think about saving that money or doing something good with it. There are about a million people even more than a million...a lot of people in poverty right now and wouldn't it be wonderful if the rich and famous would stop acting so rich even for one day and try to help these people out? Okay now i am not going on saying that no one does this. Actually a lot of people are good out there and to name a few, Oprah, George Clooney, Anjelina Jolie and there are more. But I am just saying stop with the mad spendings and use that money instead to help someone and I can tell you that if they do, then it will probably be the best money they have ever spent. So the sheep jumps into the pack and tries to wrestle them down and look at themselves.

Questions without Answers

Goodness I hate it when I need help and there is absolutely no one out there to help me. There is this amazing opportunity to go to Japan for about 2 weeks and no parents just me and some teenagers and the thing is should I go? A lot of you out there would probably say "hell yeah" but the thing is I don't really know. There is something at the back of my mind saying "maybe you should wait" and another thing telling me "are you crazy do it!!!!!!" Maybe I should, it would be such a good experience and I would meet a lot of new people and get my mind off of things. On a brighter note though, I have finished my science exam and it was pretty good but will probably be an 80% or something. Who knows. Okay the brighter note has ended and I am still here wondering what on Earth should I do? What if there is no computer and I can't blog to you? Although no one really reads this blog so it would be okay if I didn't blog. But the thing is it's the memories not the 152 readers out there thinking omg she's crazy!!!!! This question is going to kill me but I will consider it. Who knows maybe I will have the adventure of a lifetime. And the sheep with the million questions gets run over by a tractor.

aaaahh the joys of exams

so i am going to keep this real short because I have an exam to study for. Today I had my first exam and although I think I did an amazing job I can tell you right now that my mark is probably gonna be a 70% or something. My english teacher is the most hardest marker of all. He is almost crazy but the thing is he is a really good teacher. It is just that we don't all go to the thinking level that he is in and the thing is he has a really deep thinking level, like marianas trench thinking level. So i can tell you right now that my mark is going to be low. That's the sad thing about exams. You always feel that you've done an amazing job but when you go to see your mark it is nothing like you were expecting. It is either extremely high or exltremly low, never exactly right on. The only thing that is likeable about exams is when it is over and you get to chuck out everything you don't need. I would suggest doing this when you are mad because you can rip the papers and then you won't have the need to punch someone later on in the day. Also I had to hand in my assignment, good thing I finished on time or I would have died....literally. I have this thing of wanting to shoot myself when I do atrociously horrible and although I probably didn't do aswell on this assignment as the others I did finish and to me that is all that counts. I am gonna miss having English with Mel, gosh I don't want sememster 2 to come but it has to some time so I am going to brace myself for my Science exam tomorrow. For all those reading out there, wish me luck...and the sheep although injured finds a way to breathe.

Home Alone

Well today is Saturday and I really should be studying for exams but, well a girl needs a break :) So my parents have gone shopping for who knows how long and so they left me home alone. The thing I love about being home alone is that I can do things that I wouldn't regularly do infront of my parents. Now I know you must be thinking what on earth does she do? But it's not anything bad. You see I like to write lyrics for songs and so when my parents are gone I go to their room and sing these songs for as long as I like without the need for anyone to hear them. I am quite the shy person when it comes to writing and singing...and dancing. I love to dance just not infront of my parents or alone :) Also when I am home alone I make myself food because well I just love to eat like crazy. I can't go without eating something for a few hours...like 2 hours and it has to be something good or i'll keep coming back until I find something. Being home alone is good for people I can't imagine what would happen if I couldn't sing. I love to sing in the shower but sometimes I can barely hear myself so I don't know if I am good or not. The only person I have ever sang infront of is my music teacher from grade 6 and 8 because I needed to try out for Chamber Choir and also infront of my friend Dani, she is also an amazing singer and she goes to cawthra. I didn't go because well I think I can get a fine education with the place that I am going to. Well that is me home alone and the sheep lives on!!!!!

The Strange Ways of the People

What i don't understand is why people like so much drama in their lives. I mean i love hearing about gossip like the next person but the thing is do i wanna be the person who all the gossip is about??? So this girl in my school, Shania (not real name and for reference i will never be using anyone's real name) well she is such a drama queen. If it isn't about her it soon will be. She goes around prancing as if she owns the school but all i ever hear about is how she is a shit head and that no one can stand her. I wonder if she knows all of this. Also exams are coming up and the thing is where do they get the time do go around making trouble for themselves. Another thing i am pissed about today is that i booked a table for semi and it is my table. I have invited 4 other people and allowed them to let some of their friends sit with us too. Now what i can't understand is that those friends are pushing my friends away. It pissed me off so much that I couldn't eat and trust me I have to eat like every two hours. Now i am at a table with the most fobbiest disgusting annoying idiot in all of my school and the guy that is so easy to loathe that he's almost imposssible to like. The only person that can possibly save me is my friends...friend the other one has her boyfriend and although sometimes me and my friend Mel ( i cannot live without her she makes my day) feel like third wheels we have now called each other unicycles because we can function on our own. Also my good friend Horace (whom all the girls love) is not sitting at my table any more because the people pushed him away. At least he is sitting with the girl that is in love with him Sana, another good good friend. Well although i will never understand drama i have just contradicted myself because oh look! I have a little drama myself. But that was my day and the sheep still finds a way to survive in the pack of wolves.

a starting

well hello, i doubt anyone is going to read this but i have decided that i keep my feelings in waaaaaaayyy too much and so i am going to belt out everything in this blog. Now lets get one thing straight. This blog isn't going to be about fairytale romance books that people love to write about on their blogs. This is going to be about me and how i am living in a highschool that is slowly eating me up with all of its drama that it's like i am caught in a mad rush to the buffet table in an obessity convention. I am a sheep in a pack of wolves and i believe that this is going to be a great...and mad...adventure.