A Dream

Wouldn't be amazing if dreams were a reality? Especially if you had that perfect dream where everything seems to be going wrong but in the end he comes to your rescue and looks at you with those intense eyes, almost as if he's asking you a question. And just when you're about to answer...you wake up. Yes, I have had a million of those dreams all with that guy. Mr. Perfect I like to call him and yet I can't seem to find him anywhere. I know what you're thinking, aren't you too young to be worrying about these things. Well yes and no. Maybe there are better things to be thinking about but, every childhood memory includes that guy. The one that makes your heartbeat faster and faster. The one who you can't seem to take your eyes off of, and when he looks at you, you cannot meet his gaze. The one who you spend almost every waking moment daydreaming about and wondering if he does the same. Why haven't I met him yet and why is it that he only appears to me in dreams. There is this guy, we're really good friends even though I've only known him for about 6 months. I can talk to him about everything and he the same. But the main issue is that he already has a girlfriend. He doesn't talk about her ever. Actually he never told me he had one, I creeped him on facebook and found out. I'd like to think that he doesn't like her but hasn't broken up with her but I know deep down that he must feel something strong for her and that it probably hurts too much to talk about it. So I ask, where is the guy that loves me? And why is it that the only place I can ever find someone who loves me, is in my dreams.I guess a dream really is a wish that your heart makes. And the sheep finds comfort in her dreams.

Guys and Me

There is this guy that I like and have liked for a loooooooong time but the thing is, we've already gone out and I broke up with him. So why do I still like him? I have no idea. We can't seem to talk to each other and when I try to talk to him, it's really awkward. He's in my law class and I catch him staring at me sometimes and I wonder, what would it be like to go out again? But, it's not gonna happen and that;s something I know for sure. Then there is this other guy who is a really good friend of mine. We have a ton in common and he was a new student from last year. What's funny with him is that even though I knew him for a short period of time, I found myself becoming friends with him and that doesn't happen that easily. He's really sweet and I also don't know how I feel about him. Now my problem, he has a girlfriend in India and she is in love with him but he says that he wants to break up with her. Thing is, he hasn't. So what do I get out of this? Either he was lying and still likes her or he's too much of a coward to break up with her. Something tells me not to trust him, and maybe I should stay away, but at the moment I can't. Guys are shit heads. And so the sheep steers clear only to find more wolves around the corner -_-

Just Another Day

Well today is just like any day...absolutely boring. Sometimes i wish I could be those angsty teenagers you see in movies where they are having those crazy summer vacations, meeting boys, having their "drama", beach parties, drinking and so on. What do I do, let's see I exercise, watch TV, read, eat, write in this blog, do some editing stuff and then, well that's about it. Someone may say that they like my common, care-free summer but I am telling you, my life is nothing to be jealous of. Today though, I'm going to Buffalo to go get my luggage that was unclaimed because we were late and so the bags went on late and that meant that they would come late but who really wants to wait in an airport for 3 hours waiting for their bags? So, that's basically the excitement for my day. Sometimes, I wonder why I dislike school. The constant drama and the "he said, she said" is always something to look forward to. So I am sorry that this has bored you to death and maybe tomorrow, or the day after, maybe a week after, I will have something interesting to talk about. And the sheep slowly starts dying of boredom.

Back From Florida...oh and a poem

Well after a lovely week in Florida I am finally back...although no one is really reading this so I don't think any of "you" would care. Okay, so i am sitting at home and boring myself to death and wishing that I could be back in the pool at Florida getting seriously tanned or something. So today I thought i would come out of my comfort zone and post something up...to be more specific, a poem. Don't ask why just read it and tell me what you think.

My Mask

It befriends another and it hides my tears
It tags along with a joke and it covers my pain
It's very contagious and it shields my fears
It brightens a day and conceals my disdain
My smile is different for it doesn't tell the truth
but why would it? My smile is not the only one.

So that is my poem...I wrote it because I wanted to explain to my ex why I smiled the day we broke up. Of course chances of him reading this is slim to none, okay more like none. Anyways I am going to find something to do. And the sheep isn't eaten just for being too boring -_-

The Hole

As I write this I feel my hole is getting bigger. I don't understand but I feel that something is missing and I can't figure out what exactly it is. When I am doing something, I feel alone and the thing is I am. No one listens to me. I am the youngest in my family and of course all the attention is going to my sister who is at university. Sometimes I don't mind but at times I feel like my thoughts and feelings are put aside for someone else's. I feel empty. I don't cry for things that I should be crying about, I don't have random outbursts of happiness, I...the hole is getting bigger. What's wrong with me? I have everything I could want and yet something feels wrong. I am so confused. And the sheep is lost in the herd.

Just Today

Well, as the elections loom closer and closer, i don't know what to think anymore. Was I right for doing this. I have tons of experience and loyal people who are going to vote for me but, somewhere deep inside i feel like I am going to lose. What do I do? For once I wish someone would read this blog. But, that now seems like one thing that is not going to happen. Why do I always doubt myself? There are things I am not half bad at. I like to sing, but I have never sang alone. Not even for an audition. Also I like writing songs, poems and novels, but not once have I ever shown anyone anything. The only thing I can seem to show is my smile and my laughter but that isn't a talent. Daniel, the new kid, has been here for almost a month and his taking vocal lessons, made all sorts of friends and has no fear. I wish I could be like that. He admits that he's cried and he seems all emotionally strong, I can't remember the last time I cried. Something is wrong with me. And the sheep is pushed to the side of the plate because the wolves think of it as too different.

STRESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What is with the unknown power of stress that everyone has to deal with? It is like some super power that can make people do crazy things like scream their heads off or commit suicide or even run nude along the highway. Stress is what is bugging me tight now. I have so much to do and so little time and the funny thing is that I am wasting my time blogging to a whole group of nobody because the thing is that nobody is reading this...oh well. Anyways like i was saying, i have elections to deal with, a million projects and the constant drama every teen seems to deal with. Not only that but also the thought and insecurities i have about myself that lurk deep inside my head, engraved in my brain is something that is saying "you're not going to win the election. Give up!" But, like so many things in my life, i push until i have finished using 100%...okay that is a lie. I hide in a corner watching as everyone fulfills their dreams and i can't even take that one step to start fulfilling my own dreams. Why is that? Because I am too god damn frightened to do anything and also because the nonparallel force of stress is eating at my brain. So I have to now go into the world and deal with that tiny voice in my head that contradicts everything I do and say. Sorry if this is sounding emo, but at least you got a glimpse into the life of the person writing this thing. And the sheep jumps off the cliff...only to find that it is 1 ft. high -_-